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sleepless in PA...
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So I come out of work, rushing and cutting it close, trip over the cord of the vendor who was packing up their "singing in the shower" contest, and find out that my car won't start.  Wouldn't even attempt to start and the radio didn't come on.  I kicked at it and threw a minor hissy fit.  Then I dug out my AAA card.  Expired.  Did I renew it?  No.  Crap.  Jog back across the parking lot, dodge the shampoo people, and get a coworker to come out and give me a jump.  Car still won't start.  I kicked it...and it didn't help at all...so I called the neighbor-lady and let her know to expect my daughter because I was having trouble and going to be late.  Then I called my daughter and left a voicemail reviewing our "If an adult isn't there" plan. (I feel every school aged child, even one with a parent who is "always" home should have this emergency "if an adult isn't home" plan.)

My car was still attached to the coworker's truck and he said to give it just one more try.  And it started!  Yea!!!   So off I go home.  Except, now, I'm late and the traffic is bad.  Really bad.  Second gear on the highway with my left calf aching from constant clutch pressure bad.  My oil light came on...and my temperature gauge started to climb.  Crap!  But I was stuck because there wasn't anywhere to go.  I turned the heat on full blast and opened my window (to let the heat out) but still my temperature needle crept up.

But I made it home.  Munchkin did exactly what she was supposed to.  She and the fluffball were fine.  When I turned the car off, it started right back up.  Good.  Just a fluke then.  I may replace the battery anyway though.  

The weather is nice and I'm feeling pretty good and then I check SMO and there's someone there who just rubs em the wrong way and I want to fight.  But it's silly sh*t and it's online.  I don't want to fight with her, I just stressed enough that I want to fight with someone.  I think I should take a long walk in the nice weather to clear my head. 

Pharmacists are clearly idiots.  If they weren’t, we wouldn’t have 33 pages of stores that can’t get their outdate and recall items sent back on time.  (And that’s down from 45 pages last week…)  Most of them apologize when I call, promise to call FedEx immediately.  They explain the delay and fall over themselves to be helpful.  It’s a power trip but I’m pleasant and helpful in return. I solve problems, answer questions if they’re having trouble, and offer my direct dial phone number if they need more help.  One pharmacist who needed a lot of help asked me today if I was also a marriage counselor (he was joking, I think).  

But every now and then, there’s one who makes me want to scream.  I can’t scream of course.  I can only remain pleasant and helpful; just because they’re rude doesn’t mean I can be.  They vent their stress at me, claim to be too busy to send the transfer back to our processor.  How would I know, right?  I’m just at corporate and not in the stores.  But seriously, how long does it take to call FedEx?  And I force myself to smile so there’s a smile in my voice.  Thank them for their time. 

Then, I call their district manager and explain that one of his stores has an issue.  I feel like a kid tattling to mom.  I can’t really do anything (sometimes, I think they know it) but he can.  The boxes will be sent back within a few days and next time I have to call that store (if there is a next time), they’ll be polite and helpful. 

Today, the district manager I called made me smile.  We had a recent rearrangement of authority and this is one of the stores that is new to him.  He said that if they were one of his old stores, they’d know better.  He made dire threats and then assured me that he meant them in the nicest way possible.  He’s one of the district managers that almost never has a store on my list, rarely needs to be called.  He was cheerful with me, annoyed at the store.  And I definitely like him a lot.  Very helpful.  He’ll get the problem store fixed.

This morning, the words, “mandatory meeting of all supply chain associates” were enough to throw the whole department into a panic.  It was sitting in our email inbox when we arrived. 

If they’re closing distribution centers, what’s next?  Is my safe cushy corporate job in danger?  Panic and confusion.  We’re consistently in the top 10 businesses most likely to go bankrupt in 2009.   On some lists, we’re top 3. 

Deep breath.  If we go bankrupt, with one type of bankruptcy (reorganization) my job will still b important.  Even if they liquidate everything, my job should be one of the last to go, right?  But how long will that take?
 
The DC closing was announced now and will be closed completely by the end of September.  That’s a lot of warning.  More than the amount required by law.  Things aren’t desperate or they’d be closing sooner, right?  I’m okay.  We have excess DC’s because we got all of the centers from the other chain that we swallowed last year.  It’s not a big deal.  We’re okay.  I hope…

The Good
Yesterday, Munchkin had her first T-ball practice.  I took the dog along.  Munchkin has a good throwing arm but a lack of attention.  I spent the whole practice worrying that she would get hit in the head with a ball she didn’t see was coming because she was picking at the grass.  Casper was my good boy and allowed the whole team to surround and pet him.  I stopped things when he started to look a little stressed but he wouldn’t have been able to deal with it for even a little while 6 months ago …yea Casper! 

 

In our Manners class, there is:

-A female black lab who is three years old and pretty well behaved.

-A male standard labradoodle – 9 months old - very bouncy and friendly

-A male German Shepherd mix – mostly friendly but not very controlled.  He’s a rescue.

-A female Maltese – she is also a rescue.  For her first year she was a puppy mill dog; she lived in a tiny cage and had a litter before she was a year old.  Now, she’s just really timid.

-A Jack Russell Mix puppy – 6 months old, very bouncy, barks the whole class. 

-And Casper who is my darling puppy love but is really a dunce on leash behaviors.  He sits, lays down, begs, dances, crawls, and is slowly understanding “roll over” but he thinks he has to be at the end of any leash he’s walking on whether it’s 6 feet or 25 feet.   

 

Class is a little crazy with that many dogs but it’s good for Casper.  He needs practice paying attention to me. 

 

Today, I went to pick up my rats.  They are pure cuteness.  They’re just weaned so they’re still pretty small and being female, probably won’t get too huge.  I love their teeny tiny little hands and the way they hold food while they nibble.  They’re from a breeder who handles all of the little ratlings at least twice per day.  The parents were both super friendly and the little darlings swarmed out of their cage and up my arm as soon as the cage door was opened.  I’m in love. 

 

They haven’t yet been introduced to the dog or the rabbits yet.  I want to give them time to settle in and feel safe before I add new scary things. 

 

Tomorrow I have game.  After that session, I should (if I’m lucky) have enough experience to learn the second level of Protean.  Once my character learns that, she’ll be able to grow claws.  That’s an important thing because being a woman she’s not expected to carry a sword.  She can carry concealed knives or daggers but they don’t do as much damage.  The only weapon she has that will deal aggravated damage (harder for other supernaturals to heal) is her teeth and it’s hard to bite someone in the middle of a fight.  Claws will be better. 

The Bad

I was on my way home from picking up the rats when my sister called me.  They had to call an ambulance for my grandmother.  I'm guessing from the description that it was a stroke...but I'm not a doctor and the hospital just says that they have to do more tests.  I'm waiting by the phone for updates.  I thought about going down to the hospital but I don't think I could be much help.  I'd probably just be in the way.  Mom is with Nana and I've done my shae of sitting in teh hospital with mom.  If they need me there, they can call me. 

Today they will pull the plug on my cousin...well, not really.  They'll wheel him into surgery to harvest organs.  It's over and I'm glad.  Not glad that he's dead...but glad that his remains will no longer be in the hospital to be tortured.  He wasn't in that body and I'm glad his wife was willing to let it go.  

Here's the original support post from SMO on 3/5/09:  Genetic Killer
My cousin died yesterday morning, just keeled over at his desk. They started his heart back up, pumped him full of blood, and took him into surgery for 10 hours. They patched him up and waited but there’s still no brain activity. There wasn’t any before the surgery either and there was a very slim chance that the surgery wouldn’t kill him…but not having it definitely would have. He’s not alive though even though machines are forcing the body on the bed to breathe. It’s my nightmare.

He wasn’t a close cousin, the child of my grandmother’s niece. So, my third cousin. He’s only two years older than me and while we weren’t best friends, I knew him. He was one of the tall cousins with the lurking killer in his genes. Full blown Marfan Syndrome confirmed at age 17. Heart surgery at 21 and an aortic repair at 23. He was married last summer. His wife is 10 weeks pregnant.

Would you choose to breed if you knew that there was a 50% chance that your offspring would have your defective gene? And that this particular genetic screw up had the power to cause trouble in most major body systems? Marfan Syndrome. http://www.marfan.org

A diagnosis requires major involvement with several body systems; people with a genetic link and one major system involved or several systems involved in minor ways are labels ‘emerging’ and watched closely. It can remain “emerging” all of your life or be full blown before you hit twenty. Left with all symptoms completely untreated and ignored, it usually kills it’s carriers between the age of 30 and 50…but with modern medical treatment, Marfan’s patients can live a long full life. It can occur as a spontaneous mutation or be inherited. They say it doesn’t skip generations but there’s a very fine line between ‘emerging’ and full blown.

My maternal grandmother is old. Technically, her Marfan’s is still ‘emerging’ because there are a lot of minor involvements and the major system involvements could just be age at this point. She got lucky. My mother is 43 and has had two heart surgeries; she’s always in pain from a spine that’s curved out of shape. She was not so lucky. My younger sister, she’s emerging – with major involvements in her cardiovascular system and in genetics plus some minor skeletal changes.

I should feel lucky that I’m classified as safe. I had a 50% chance of getting it and I didn’t. I’m average height and in normal proportions. My joints aren’t too flexible. My heart and aorta are normal. They checked very carefully when mom was first diagnosed. So I’m not doomed, and my children are safe. I can’t pass on a bad copy of a gene when I didn’t get a bad copy.

But today, knowing that my cousin died, it’s hitting me hard. He was careful, took precautions, saw the cardiologist quarterly. He had his whole life to live and a baby on the way. But Marfans got him. And it could take my mother or my sister.

I try to be philosophical about it. Death could take any of us, any time. I’m glad that I don’t have that ticking time bomb in my chest; And I feel bad because I feel lucky.

So Casper is registered for the manners class.  Sometimes, I think these classes are helping us a lot.  Others, I think they're a waste of time.  The classes aren't really any good if I don't follow up, work with him, and reinforce.  The classes give me the method but alone they mean little.  Next Saturday, Casper will have to miss his class so I can go to Baby C's birthday party.  It won't really matter.  And the Saturday after that, we'll pick up wiht Manners in teh same time slot:  10:15-11:15 Saturday morning.  

I skipped today's concession stand meeting in favor of continuing the Vampire game a little longer.  My character, Isabelle, is charming and amazingly deadly.  Because of her gender and the time period (during the crusades) people underestimate her.  She's on the Road of Heaven and restricts her feeding to only bad people.  There are plenty to hunt in Rome of those times, and good games to be had.  With an 8 rating in her current road, there are a lot of things I can't do with her...but the things I can are quite fun.  This week, I convinced a priest with 'true faith' to let me have some holy water instead of chasing me from the church and I got to kill a demon.

Dee, my 5-year-old wonderful destructive bunny isn't eating much and is refusing dry food entirely.  She's losing weight.  I'm loading her up with fresh greens, fruit, and veggies.  The vet assures me that there's no bowel obstruction (which is common in rabbits).  She's just getting older.  Some rabbits can live 12-15 years but Dee is a large breed, not spayed, and probably from bad lines since she's a pet store bunny.  

Oh...and if you're on Facebook, add me!  And then come join my Mafia.  I need more Mafia members. 

I had Jackson Hewitt do my 2008 taxes, all of them.  State and local were even and I have already gotten my federal return.  But today, I got a letter from the IRS.  Pure panic just seeing the letter.  My hands shook as I opened it and I’m still riding the buzz.  My return was incorrect and they’ve made an adjustment.  I’m due $382 more money.  Relief.  I wonder if they’ll direct deposit it or send a check? 

Sometimes I wrap myself in knots over the silliest things.  I want to say that it's not important but to me, deep down, it feel important even though on the surface, it seems silly.  I hate that.  And I won't write about it because who knows who is reading here?  Why did I give up the safe password protected blog?  There, I could have written about these things that I have so bottled up.  But really, who would have wanted to read it?  Probably no one but I would have felt better to write it, the posting would have been to let it go, to release the thoughts.  And now, I can't.  It's okay.  There are benefits to this type of blog.  Open and out there...or so I try to tell myself.  Typing this helps a little but not enough.  You can't imagine the frustration of trying to get these feelings out without letting you out there in internet land actually know what's bothering me.  The frustration seems like a welcome distraction.

My safe blog with the password is gone.  The public boards don't feel safe.   Em has infected me with her paranoia just as she is starting to feel comfortable.   And me, who never cared has kept her fingers still on opinions that I would have previously voiced.  And all because of a comment in an unrelated place but it felt like the gods' own truth...and if I trust this thing as true, I can't keep continuing without a change.  

Nothings changed and everything's changed.  It's still changing, readjusting.  Change is good but it's still hard sometimes.   Love and hate.  Anger.  Sadness.  I'm adjusting my view of the internet world.