Arcadia drew me into this thread.  What are we going to do with her?

Her Questions:
Does the name you don’t like affect how you feel about the child and the child’s parents?

I hate to admit it but yes, there is an effect.  Names are important.  Google and you can find dozens of articles about how a child’s name influences how they’re perceived by teachers and employers and peers.  It matters.  I try not to let that show to her or them.  But painful honesty in the blog at least, right?
 
Would you be annoyed if your IPs chose one of your other children’s names as the name of their baby to be?  Would that be confusing for you?  Upsetting?

I’d probably be a little annoyed or a little upset but I’d eventually get over it.  It wouldn’t be confusing though.  Many people have the same names.  There just aren’t enough names.  I work with someone who has my daughter’s middle name as her first name.  My daughter has 2 “Cassidy” kids in her class at school.  It happens.
The children with different names on their original birth certificate and the amended one, do you think they’ll be confused some day?

I hope not.  I think you were so confused and upset because you never knew.  They’ll know.  Their parents aren’t hiding things.  I know Morrigan has her original birth certificate in her baby scrap book for her (and everyone else) to see.
The child that you didn’t name at all, do you think that some day she’ll be upset because you didn’t care enough to name her and let her just be Baby Girl?    

I don’t know, maybe.  It’s not really that I “didn’t care enough to name her.”  The agency discouraged it.  And the hospital didn’t even offer me the paperwork.  I didn’t know I could name her.  And her parents had already picked a name.  I instantly disliked it…but I didn’t’ want to tell them.  What if they had decided they didn’t want her if I didn’t like their name?

Baby C turned 1 today.  I can hardly believe it.  I had a migraine today, killer type can't see out of one eye and want to die migraine.  It's at a manageable level now and I'm riding the high of prescription migraine medication.  My last pair of Fiorinal.  

Yesterday, my munchkin was sick and I had to skip Baby C's birthday party.  I couldn't leave munchkin with a sitter, even grandma, when she was feeling so bad.  I called to let them know and Baby C's mom took it well.  That was nice.

I remember the first time I told Raven's mom that I couldn't make a visit because munchkin was sick.  Raven was 3 years old.  Her mom had canceled visits before but never me.  Raven's mom gave me the guilt trip, that Raven would be disappointed.  I apologized.  She asked why I couldn't leave munchkin with someone else; wasn't Raven important enough for that?  Well, no.  I'm sorry that she was disappointed...but she had her parents to explain and support her.  Munchkin only has me and expects Mommy to be there when she's sick.  I still felt like crap for canceling...and worried that I wouldn't get another visit...but I did a few weeks later.  Munchkin was feeling better and the girls played and all was good.  

I'm not worried that Baby C's mom will not invite me next time because I couldn't come this time.  She understands, I think.  I won't make a habit of canceling...but I will if I have to and I don't have to worry.  It's nice that they're so easy to get along with.  

But anyway, it's Baby C's birthday.  Happy Birthday Baby C!  (I wonder how long I'll be able to dub her "Baby C")  Here are the links to the posts her mom and I made last year when she was born in the Birth Story section.  It's cool that they're still there.

My Story
JessWho's Story

On SMO, one of the women who is pregnant with her own child decided to place for adoption with another member.  It’s like Jess and I, or before that, Jenni and Jess.  Everyone is wishing them congratulations and is excited.  I’m sure we’ll all eagerly watch it play out on the boards and like they did for me and Jess, they’ll probably occasionally forget that it’s an adoption and not a surrogacy. 

Everyone who is congratulating this woman only 7 weeks pregnant on her decision to place is an idiot.  Congratulations?  Are they kidding?  They owe her condolences and she doesn’t seem to realize it.  I wished her good luck and said that I hoped it would be what she thought.  It was the only positive thing I could think of to say to her.  To the hopeful adoptive parents, congrats to them on the match; I can see why they’re excited.    It’s like with me and J though, they wished us congratulations and were so excited…but for almost all of them, their excitement is pointed at the potential a-parents. 

Very few remember and acknowledge that despite the moments of excitement over a good match, that for the e-mom planning to place, there are doubts and fears and pain.  That will be worse as the pregnancy progresses, peak after the birth, and gradually subside to a manageable level.  The hurt will never completely go away, every happiness will be bittersweet, and the people on SMO forget.  I feel like the doom-sayer when they’re so excited but it makes me angry and sad that they’re so blind.   No one wants to acknowledge the pain that will be.

And this woman who says so early in her pregnancy that she will place, chooses parents, and will be on SMO shouting it to the world?  What if she has second thoughts?  What if she decides to keep the baby?  It’s adoption.  It’s her right.  But everyone will jump down her throat if she makes that decision.  Knowing their feelings, she may feel she can’t back away from the plan without being chased from a community she loves.    It stinks. 

It’s just a bad idea.  But no one really cares about my thoughts on the matter.  I’ll post them here because I need to get them out but not on SMO.  I’ll try not to dim the enjoyment of the happy shiny people.