"Your children are not your own. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You must strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."    Kahlil Gibran

Baby C's mom took her for an RSV test and a chest x-ray around 1pm. She hasn't posted an update yet.  I really just need to stop reading her page.  I'm going to drive myself nuts.  Is it better to have these updates and learn the little bits of her life?  Or is it better to remain oblivious and not worry?  Does the comfort of knowing when things are good outweigh the worry and 'mom reaction' of knowing she's sick and not being able to do anything? 

Intellectually, I know I'm not the parent.  It's not my responsibility to take care of her when she's sick.   With munchkin, when she's sick, I just feel so bad, like I should be able to help even when I know that medically, I'm doing all I can.  Even if I can't change things, I have to try.  Instinct, not intellect.  And it doesn't go away.

I wish that I could say that I'm content to sit here and type and let Baby C's parents deal with it like she was the child of any of my friends.  But I'm not.  I'm going quietly out of my mind.  And it's my own fault because I like the good updates so I just have to deal with the bad ones.

This time of year there is so much going on that it's hard to concentrate on any one thing for long.  My immeidate supervisor is a moody bully...but his boss is understanding and will settle things if they get too bad.  A 5th grade on my daughter's bus has been pretty mean to her but unfortuantely kids are mean.  She was handling it herself (at her request) until he hit her in the face with a slush ball today.  I called the bus company and I hope he gets in trouble.

Ms. Arcadia (her SMO screen name) is planning to post a surrogacy ad and has a website put together but her plan for no comp means they're going to beat down her door and flood her email.  I don't think she's prepared for the responses she'll get but I can't do anything except warn her.  I hope she finds what she's looking for in IPs but she's going to have to wade through a lot of the wrong ones to find the right couple.  Good luck Em!

(She helped me set up this site too...what do you think?)

A new blog.  A fresh start.  How many have I had over the years?  How many are still out there lost...needing deleted or saved?  I don't know why I have to start another one.  Why do I start a new journal when the last isn't full?  Because I'm unhappy and don't want to be constantly looking back over those pages and revisiting the things that were bad.  It helps me move forward instead of dwelling on on what once was.  Because what was can't be changed.

From Dead to Worse     Charlaine Harris
"So you're not really that unhappy?"
"It's happened.  There is no goal to be met in being unhappy now."