Why?

On SMO, one of the women who is pregnant with her own child decided to place for adoption with another member.  It’s like Jess and I, or before that, Jenni and Jess.  Everyone is wishing them congratulations and is excited.  I’m sure we’ll all eagerly watch it play out on the boards and like they did for me and Jess, they’ll probably occasionally forget that it’s an adoption and not a surrogacy. 

Everyone who is congratulating this woman only 7 weeks pregnant on her decision to place is an idiot.  Congratulations?  Are they kidding?  They owe her condolences and she doesn’t seem to realize it.  I wished her good luck and said that I hoped it would be what she thought.  It was the only positive thing I could think of to say to her.  To the hopeful adoptive parents, congrats to them on the match; I can see why they’re excited.    It’s like with me and J though, they wished us congratulations and were so excited…but for almost all of them, their excitement is pointed at the potential a-parents. 

Very few remember and acknowledge that despite the moments of excitement over a good match, that for the e-mom planning to place, there are doubts and fears and pain.  That will be worse as the pregnancy progresses, peak after the birth, and gradually subside to a manageable level.  The hurt will never completely go away, every happiness will be bittersweet, and the people on SMO forget.  I feel like the doom-sayer when they’re so excited but it makes me angry and sad that they’re so blind.   No one wants to acknowledge the pain that will be.

And this woman who says so early in her pregnancy that she will place, chooses parents, and will be on SMO shouting it to the world?  What if she has second thoughts?  What if she decides to keep the baby?  It’s adoption.  It’s her right.  But everyone will jump down her throat if she makes that decision.  Knowing their feelings, she may feel she can’t back away from the plan without being chased from a community she loves.    It stinks. 

It’s just a bad idea.  But no one really cares about my thoughts on the matter.  I’ll post them here because I need to get them out but not on SMO.  I’ll try not to dim the enjoyment of the happy shiny people.