My period is (as of today) 5 days late…or maybe just 3 days.  My last cycle was 32 days but still…   

What’s going on with my body?  Normally, I would not care.  I have a tubal ligation so I can’t be pregnant.  For the first time in my life, a late period isn’t causing panic because I feel safe in that at least.  I’m still worried a bit though. 

How will this affect August/September?  Does the late period mean there’s a problem with my reproductive system somewhere?  We’re counting on my system to be top notch and functioning properly.  Or is just one of those odd occurrences?  Late periods do happen occasionally.  And my periods are a bit longer now than they were even 2 years ago.  They’re averaging around 30 days.  So perhaps this is just a normal variation.  I could induce the period…but right now, I’m in “wait and see” mode.  If I induce it, I won’t know how long it would have stayed away. 

Deep Breath Ginger.  You’re blowing this way out of proportion.  You’re really just stressed about Psych and stress can make a period late.  Simple as that. 

If you’re having a visit from Aunt Flo, please tell her to come visit me so I can stop worrying!

My IM is an awesome IM.  Yea Jess!  The Psych appointment is scheduled for Friday April 17th in the afternoon.  And now, I can stop worrying about the scheduling of it...though I still have to worry about it...but even that worrying can wait a while longer.  I have over a month and that's just too long to worry.  

We can’t actually do contracts until closer to transfer.  I’m guessing June/July.  That’s fine.  I’m still waiting for my IPs to schedule the psych.  That is driving me nuts.  I understand, my IM is busy and there is plenty of time.  But she can schedule it when it’s convenient for them.  She’ll know when she’s scheduling it because she’s scheduling it.  For me, I’ll go whenever she schedules it because I’m committed to the process…but is it too much to ask for her to give me some sort of clue? 

I have training classes at work that I’d like to register for…but what if the psych is that day?  I don’t want to register for a class I won’t be there to take.  There’s a 6-week climbing refresher course that I’d love to sign up for…but it’s at 1:30 in the afternoon 3 days a week and if I alter my planned work schedule to accommodate the class, my boss will be a little less than tolerant if I take off those weeks since I have to ask for a special schedule.  My grandparents are going away for an entire month and invited munchkin and I to fly to join them for a few days.  I’d love to…but I can’t schedule that trip without knowing when we’re doing psych.  See the problem? 

I know I’m making it complicated.  Just schedule what I want and then make changes to accommodate the psych appointment.  But I hate to make changes in plans that are made, especially when those plans involve work (who might think I’m unreliable for needing changes) or my daughter (who will be really upset if I cancel a vacation promised to her).  So I wait and the longer I wait, the more likely it is that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do…and if I don’t do them and I don’t have psych during that time, I’ll be really annoyed with myself.
 
I hesitated to post this and it’s highly edited.   The blog post as it was originally can’t actually be posted on a public blog or shared at all.  But I wrote it anyway.  It can just lay around on my flash drive.  I started a folder on my flash drive called “Hidden Thoughts” for things I can’t post but just had to write anyway.  I suspect that with this journey, there will be a lot of files in that folder but it’s okay.  I have a place to put those thoughts so I can express them and then let them go.  That’s the important thing. 

Yesterday, we went to the clinic for our Orientation.  First, I got to see Baby C and then I rode with her mom to the appointment.  We went to the wrong office of the clinic and had to go to the other which made us very late. 

 

The IF gave a sample to freeze.  We’ll use that frozen sample to fertilize when the time comes.  If the fresh cycle doesn’t work and we have no frozen embryos, we’ll have to wait another 6 months for another frozen sample to clear quarantine!  I’m hoping that the IF will give more samples just in case…

 

 All three of us gave blood but I gave the most tubes.  It was a lot less than donating blood but the tubes make it look like a huge amount. 

 

The nurse talked a lot but answered pretty much all of our questions.  I interrupted her explanation of the IVF process and explained it to myself.  Later, I decided that it was probably rude…but it sped things up a lot and let her get to the details.  I was bored and hungry. 

 

The resident came to do my medical history.  She was…not very good.  She must have been really new and was not at all comfortable with histories.  She also made several comments not at all appropriate and I didn’t like her much at all.  We got through it…but I was still hungry and getting cranky. 

 

Then, I had a saline sonogram.  My IM wasn’t so sure she wanted to be there.  I don’t think she thought it was as cool as I did.  But the medical stuff from the needles to the ultrasounds just doesn’t bother me.  I got the all clear there. 

 

The RE picked on me about my tattoo and the tongue ring.  He seems to be religious.  He claims he’ll treat me like his own daughter.  I’m not sure I like that…but he was talking about aiming for 14-16 eggs, no huge numbers like some clinics try for with egg donors.  He says 75% will likely fertilize.  His goal is a transfer of a single embryo at day 5 or possibly two but he recommended one.  Since I know my IPs want 1 only, that’s fine.  And he gave us a chance of 60% with a single embryo transfer. 

 

Like all really good doctors, he has that “I am god” attitude but he seems to be a benevolent god and I think it will be interesting to work with him and the clinic. 

 

Test results due in one to two weeks.  They’ll call if my test results come back wonky.  They said that no news is good news.  There better not be anything wonky…but if there is, I have plenty of time to get it fixed.  They did not weigh me or take my blood pressure.  They did not have me sign a release of records to get my records from Cooper or my OB. 

 

Now, we have psych screening at some point…and the legal stuff but the IP’s lawyer wants to wait until closer to the time to do the legal stuff. 

 

I’m supposed to call when I get my period in August.  Then they’ll do baseline bloods and US.  And our 7 weeks will begin.  Estimated transfer?  September 2009. 

On the 10th, we have the clinic orientation.  That will start the wait time.  And I have an appointment with the doctor too.  I'm so worried that we're going to get in there and they'll reject me as a TS for one reason or another.  It's making me chew my nails today.

On the up-side, AF came early.  She arrived today, so she'll be gone by the 10th.  I was so worried that she would arrive later this week and be visiting for the orientation.  Who knows what tests they'll want to do...

Per the clinic, we need to do Quarantine time.  It sucks but such is life.  It appears that we'll have orientation and then wait 6 months from then.  Sigh...

Good News:  I can make my summer plans without worrying about pregnancy. 
Bad news: That's a long way away and I'm pretty annoyed.

This what I found as far as timeline.  

I'll get a period.
I'll have CD2 or 3 bloodwork
On or before CD5, I'll start birth control pills.
CD18, I'l probably start Lupron
CD26, I can expect Aunt Flo to visit

Then I'll have more bloodwork and a baseline ultrasound.  For a Carrier, they call that check "suppression check" but I'm not sure it's the same for an ED.  They want a GS to be very suppressed, the more, the better.  For an ED, it's a delicate balance trying to find just suppressed enough not to ovulate before trigger but not so suppressed that she can't make good eggs.

Stims then, 8-12 days before the trigger, 2 days from trigger to retrieval.  Bloodwork and ultrasounds every 2 days, then daily to monitor my progress.  

Retrieval and fertilization.  

Two to six days after that, transfer.

Beta 14 days after fertilization.  

Total from CD 1 of the cycle we decide to start on?  50 to 54 days, a little over 7 weeks.  But that's after we actively start.  I don't know when that will be.  I can't even make a guess and as you'd expect, not knowing is driving me crazy.  I'd rather know and have it be far away than be stuck in Limbo Land.  They gave me a start time but start what?  Start screening and contracts?  Start cycling with that AF?  What?  

Sigh... 

My IM's clinic consult got moved sooner.  It's not next week anymore.  Yikes!

My biggest worry is that no one will work with us because I weigh too much to be an egg donor.  That would be really upsetting.  

I actually had this whole (huge) list of questions to send with my IM to the consult.  But Delphi's mother pointed out that giving my IM the list was pretty untrusting and generally an arrogant thing for me to do.  Why should I assume that I'm smart enough to think of things she wouldn't?  Doesn't she have her own mind and important questions of her own?  And in this case, the Sparrow is right.   None of my questions are things that cannot wait.  This is her consult.  I have to trust her judgment on the clinic.  In general, I think my IM can be trusted to ask the questions that are important now even if she might miss a few cycle related questions that I wonder about.  There will be time for my questions when I have my screening with the chosen RE.

I joined Spark People again yesterday and posted a weigh in of “0 pounds lost”.  I’m not going to let silly panics about privacy keep me from the group that’s likely to motivate me.  Yes, it’s a big group.  Get over it already.  And while J was a reason for my initial hesitation, I’ve decided that I can’t let her presence intimidate me.  I’ll be okay.  She’s not really that scary.  And really, while the main motivation behind the weight loss is me (so I feel good) it will benefit her too if the cycle is better.  How can she possibly disapprove of it?

 

So it’s the waiting time.  Things I know need done:

---Weight loss

---My annual exam

---Find a clinic

            …local to one of us or at least convenient for both of us

            …willing to work with TS via IVF

            …reasonable BMI requirements for an ED (me)

            …willing to do single embryo transfer

            …do we need to re-do psych eval?

---Legal Logistics Questions

            …is there a way to make the PBO possible?

            …does the previous adoption make things more complicated?

            …will they need a home study for a step-parent adoption?

            …How does a contract work for “expenses only”?

---Contracts

 

The first two are my problem.  The second two are things I have to trust that J can handle.  And the last one is a mutual thing.  I’m practicing my patience because we’re in no hurry. 

I joined the SMO weight loss group on Spark People...and then I canceled my Spark People membership.

I should lose as much weight as possible before we start cycling.
---RE's prefer lower weight egg donors
---I'll gain weight during the cycle on the meds
---Less weight = Healthier pregnancy and a Happier me

So why did I cancel my account only a few minutes after joining?  I found that J has joined 7 minutes before I did.  Also, the group was around 45 members total from SMO.  I would have felt uncomfortable discussing weight loss with so many people.  I guess I'm a little strange.  I can discuss things with the SMO gals from sex to my menstrual cycle to child birth & lochia.  But I can't discuss weight loss.  It's odd how things rank on the privacy scale. 

I need to lose the weight anyway but I'll stick to the other site, the one with the membership fees and the private forums.