Someone was saying that there should be laws in place to keep a TS from changing their mind and that we as a community should bind together and push for those laws.

So say, that the surrogacy community binds together.  And the world hears them (which I don’t think is likely) and it becomes possible that a TS’s rights to the child are severed at or before conception rather than post-birth because there is a contract that the IPs pay ‘pain and suffering’ and then they get their baby. 

Next, someone will want to make it so that an expectant parent considering adoption can sign over he parental rights prior to birth to have her living expenses covered or whatever.  That sounds like coercion.  Currently, all expenses paid by adoptive parents have to be considered as gifts because they can’t force the parents to terminate rights.  Now, I don't believe high e-mom expenses shoudl be allowed in adoption but that's a different blog.  There is a very good reason that in adoption, there is a waiting period post-birth to consider the decision.  If coercion can be proven, in most states, the adoption can be overturned. 

In TS, people will argue that there is time for consideration before the agreement takes place.  In adoption, they could argue that the time for consideration is during the pregnancy.  That time prior to birth doesn’t count in adoption because the expectant mother is full of hormones and hasn’t yet met the child.  Why should that be different for a TS? 
 
Oh…I agree, absolutely that except in dire circumstances, the TS contract should be upheld.  But I don’t agree that the laws surrounding TS should change.  I think it would be very hard to change the laws of TS without altering all laws regarding parental rights termination.  I think altering all TPR laws to allow them to take place during pregnancy would be a big mistake. 

Here is the thread that has me riled up today:  http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/showthread.php?t=140507


Many SMO threads get me riled up, some are just worse than others.  This one isn’t a surprise.  The TS decided not to sign over rights.  It sucks for the IPs.  Every one is talking about contracts and kidnapping.  She can’t force the IF/dad to give up rights so she can be the sole parent.  I’m also fairly sure that despite the contract, they can’t force her to give up all rights.  I think the only way they could force rights termination is if the other parent was truly not safe and would not work to become safe.  I think the best outcome anyone can hope for at this point is shared custody.  What a nightmare.  I’m sorry the IPs were hurt.

That said, TS contracts in any states aren’t worth the number of trees you kill to print them.  It sucks for IPs but it’s reality.  There are only like 2 or 3 states that will do a PBO for TS and even in those, she has to be pregnant first and could simply refuse to agree to the PBO.  TS is a risk.  People jump into TS as fast as GS…but GS is pretty certain.  With TS, you only see the failures but those happen more frequently than GS.  People should be careful because that contract means very little. 

Now, I’m not likely to decide to parent.  I have my tubes tied for a very good reason.  I don’t want to parent any more children.  I can think of only one circumstance that I would question the hypothetical baby going home with her parents.  It is unlikely in the extreme and truthfully I don’t want to bring any babies into my home…but I would bring a baby home to protect it if absolutely necessary in one specific circumstance…but still only until social services could be involved.  But like I said, that circumstance is unlikely in the extreme; I know my IPs. 

What circumstance?  Abuse to the existing child/children in the family.  I’d call social services but I wouldn’t want the baby to go there until they had been cleared of abuse.  Or wait - I thought of a second but related circumstance:  if the existing child/children are removed from the family by social services during pregnancy, I would probably argue to keep the baby with me rather than let it go into the foster system until the parents can sort through their issues…and even then, I might hesitate. 

Does that make me a bad TS who will break my contract?  I guess so…but I’m okay with that.  I’d rather be a bad TS than have a child come back later and ask why I sent them to parents that were known to be abusive.  It won’t happen with J&S; they’re wonderful parents. 

Yesterday, we went to the clinic for our Orientation.  First, I got to see Baby C and then I rode with her mom to the appointment.  We went to the wrong office of the clinic and had to go to the other which made us very late. 

 

The IF gave a sample to freeze.  We’ll use that frozen sample to fertilize when the time comes.  If the fresh cycle doesn’t work and we have no frozen embryos, we’ll have to wait another 6 months for another frozen sample to clear quarantine!  I’m hoping that the IF will give more samples just in case…

 

 All three of us gave blood but I gave the most tubes.  It was a lot less than donating blood but the tubes make it look like a huge amount. 

 

The nurse talked a lot but answered pretty much all of our questions.  I interrupted her explanation of the IVF process and explained it to myself.  Later, I decided that it was probably rude…but it sped things up a lot and let her get to the details.  I was bored and hungry. 

 

The resident came to do my medical history.  She was…not very good.  She must have been really new and was not at all comfortable with histories.  She also made several comments not at all appropriate and I didn’t like her much at all.  We got through it…but I was still hungry and getting cranky. 

 

Then, I had a saline sonogram.  My IM wasn’t so sure she wanted to be there.  I don’t think she thought it was as cool as I did.  But the medical stuff from the needles to the ultrasounds just doesn’t bother me.  I got the all clear there. 

 

The RE picked on me about my tattoo and the tongue ring.  He seems to be religious.  He claims he’ll treat me like his own daughter.  I’m not sure I like that…but he was talking about aiming for 14-16 eggs, no huge numbers like some clinics try for with egg donors.  He says 75% will likely fertilize.  His goal is a transfer of a single embryo at day 5 or possibly two but he recommended one.  Since I know my IPs want 1 only, that’s fine.  And he gave us a chance of 60% with a single embryo transfer. 

 

Like all really good doctors, he has that “I am god” attitude but he seems to be a benevolent god and I think it will be interesting to work with him and the clinic. 

 

Test results due in one to two weeks.  They’ll call if my test results come back wonky.  They said that no news is good news.  There better not be anything wonky…but if there is, I have plenty of time to get it fixed.  They did not weigh me or take my blood pressure.  They did not have me sign a release of records to get my records from Cooper or my OB. 

 

Now, we have psych screening at some point…and the legal stuff but the IP’s lawyer wants to wait until closer to the time to do the legal stuff. 

 

I’m supposed to call when I get my period in August.  Then they’ll do baseline bloods and US.  And our 7 weeks will begin.  Estimated transfer?  September 2009. 

On the 10th, we have the clinic orientation.  That will start the wait time.  And I have an appointment with the doctor too.  I'm so worried that we're going to get in there and they'll reject me as a TS for one reason or another.  It's making me chew my nails today.

On the up-side, AF came early.  She arrived today, so she'll be gone by the 10th.  I was so worried that she would arrive later this week and be visiting for the orientation.  Who knows what tests they'll want to do...