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time for change

Birthday Invitation

2/1/2009

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I've been invited to Baby C's birthday party.  I'm horribly torn.  I want to go and I probably will go but over 50 people were invited.  It's going to be big and crazy and also an emotional day...  S still has to check his work schedule for that weekend so he doesn't know if he's coming.

I haven't yet discussed the invite with Munchkin.  I don't foresee that conversation going well.  She's just not interested in Baby C.  She's interested in herself and her T-Ball, school, friends.  To her, the bio-connection isn't important now.  Baby C is just another baby who can't do anything fun.  She's boring.  

I'm at the cusp again and have to decide whether to follow my usually strong feelings on parenting.  I believe that munchkin is her own person already.  She's 7 but that doesn't make her feelings about subjects invalid.  If her choices are not what I would prefer, they're still her choices, her feelings.  It's my job as a parent to support her as she grows.  Based on that and taking out thoughts of everyone except me and Munchkin, I'd say offer her the choice to go and if she refuses...well, it's her choice.  

But it's not a normal situation.  It's adoption.  It's not a secret...but should I still allow her her feelings and choices even if they may not benefit the OA with Baby C?    And even asking that question feels silly.  If her feelings and opinions are valid, they're valid always, right?  Sometimes I override her feelings with a parental decision, usually for her safety...but this isn't really that extreme...

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